is impossible to do! So I’ve told myself to just wait it out until Davis sends out their transfer admissions, then I will be able to get to the nitty-gritty with this choosing a school business. It doesn’t help, either, that at every chance my parents get at being alone with me they constantly ask me, ‘Do you know yet?’ and then insist that I figure out what the hell I want. I can’t even tell them that I am genuinely trying. I have spent hours researching the schools I’ve been admitted to.
Actually, they advise me to seek God’s guidance. Which I do. I’m a fairly spiritual person but I have always been bad at having conversations with God. With God I feel like he’s the friend you text and then have to wait 3-4 days to hear a reply back from, if any at all. Sometimes you wait so long the opportunity passes and things kind of just get laid out, and no text-back is needed. But I have a habit of worrying, even though I have faith that I’ll get what I need when the time is right.
I mean, last Sunday I was listening to the sermon and the message was: You have nothing to fear. And that might mean nothing to you guys, but it put me at peace, hearing that. I get so neurotic that oftentimes when it happens I can’t sleep, it’s just restless anxiety. My friend Ann addressed that about me the other day, but she said also said that if I wasn’t neurotic, I would be a completely different person. Like if Hitler hadn’t been crazy, he wouldn’t have been Hitler.
Keep in mind that I only reveal about 30% of my neuroticism to people. It gets pretty bad. I hate it. Most of it is a mental runaround, and when I was at my most anxious going for a run or working out usually helped me out. Though I haven’t been doing any of these recently, from work and school and exhaustion, so you can just call me Chubs McTubs.