Day 79

littlelanguor:

She wanted to hear the four words every human being wanted to hear, deep down: “Out of everyone, you.”  And that “out of everyone, always you” or “Out of everyone, you always.”  There are some nights her heart ached for the validation, to be singled out as extraordinary, as better than the norm, as someone that could never blend into the crowd, not even if she wanted.  Someone that was hilarious but haunting.  Someone that was different but not untouchable.  Someone that mattered and didn’t just exist.  In the wants of her own very selfish indulgence, she wanted to be the difference between the world and the world in which good things happened.

It was ludicrous to say these things out loud, but she knew everyone felt them.  They had to or they weren’t alive. Because where did that come from, anyway?  The need to be needed, the utmost desperation to see that we had a place in this world, that we had a purpose.  It was the cruelest want of all — the need to not only be loved, but insistently deemed irreplaceable, invaluable.  Because it’s not impossible, is it?  People got it every day.  She hears them say the words exactly.  “I need you; I can’t live without you; without you, the world is shit.”  She hears them say it, constantly — that is, say it to everyone but her.

So then why — why is it that she’s still waiting?