trying out

I’ve got greeting cards on the brain, apparently.

I’m submitting my greeting card design for a scholarship tomorrow (shoot, for $10,000, there’s not a lot I wouldn’t do) and I’m about to start on my application for a summer internship on the writing & editorial team at Hallmark.  That application’s no joke!  One does not simply walk into Hallmark expecting a paid internship.  You’ve got to have a bangin’ portfolio and have some good metered verse (????) down.

Also, it’s in Kansas City.  As in Missouri.  As in I have never been that far from California since I’ve been born.  But we’ll cross that bridge when we come to it.  Because we may never.  I don’t know how talented I’ll be at, um, metered verse about being glam sistas for life.  Just kidding.  I will totally rock at that.  GLAM SISTAS!

Whether the Hallmark heads agree with that is what’s up in the air.  I will just sleep better knowing that I tried (made sure of that today by buying some sleeping aids too), but the funny thing is that Maria and I were talking today about how some of the biggest things just happen to us.  She mentioned the quote: “If you want to make God laugh, tell him your plans.”  Which is true!  So true. I’ve thought about some of the major things that have happened to me (like my job, for one) that weren’t things I went in expecting. Because as important as it is to be proactive about certain things, sometimes it’s also a matter of just embracing opportunities when they present themselves.  Sometimes all you have to do is be open to it, and that’s all you can really do.

Because what is living life if not really just opening doors for ourselves to see what’s on the other side?  What’s actually possible for us, right?  There are some doors we’ll be content never opening.  Like I’m pretty sure I’m not going to regret having ever tried fried grasshopper.  But this oh-so-deep little metaphor about “what’s behind door number two” coincides with the fact that HOLY SHIT GUYS I’M TURNING 21 AND WHAT DOES THIS MEAN FOR MY LIFE?  It means big choices, I think.  It means upping the ante (maybe)(even the phrase “upping the ante” makes me nervous) for little wallflower me.  I mean it.  I’m so blah.  The sad part is that I’m content, most of the time, of my blahness.

Anytime I push myself to go after an opportunity, I always think of the first time I ever auditioned for a school play in high school.  Or of telling your crush you like him.  So excited and nervous and terrified that you feel like you could explode.  It’s like that feeling all over again.  Of seemingly infinite possibilities, of possibly venturing out into the unknown.  Of maybe failing but also maybe winning.  But always, a little bit of pride and self-resolution that I tried.